I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
