3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
