The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
