Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
