he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
