My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
