He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
