I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
