a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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