i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
