Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
