...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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