I'm so fucking centered right now
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Randomize
