You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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