Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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