I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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