She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
