if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
