She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
