She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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