I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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