so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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