Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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