You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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