You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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