dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
