if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I think people are normalizing furries
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
