Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
