oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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