No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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