i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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