You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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