EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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