i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Still dying that you shit outside
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
