you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
