If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
