I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I will be naked everywhere
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
