i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
