Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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