shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
