Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
