Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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