i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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