He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize