You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
