lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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