My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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