they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
And then the night went full on bisexual.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize