yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
