tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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