And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
