Yo dont text me then not text me
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
