Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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