You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
