My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
