K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
