i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
