You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
