Sponge bath it is.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
