My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
