I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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