When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
