I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
