At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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