Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize