I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
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