so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
