Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
