ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Hippo gnu deer
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Two words: nipple clamps
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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